i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
