Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
