MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
