i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
