Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize