so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
