All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
