Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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