You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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