i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
