do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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