i may or may not be watching the land before time
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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