Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
