I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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