i permit you to call me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
