I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk is a universal language darling
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