In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's the barista slut.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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