Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
