it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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