Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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