do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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