I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize