I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
