I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
