I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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