He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let the clothes fall where they may.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
