Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize