Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
