I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize