Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
