He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
