anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
