I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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