no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
