So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
