is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
