I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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