There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
