we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
