I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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