i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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