Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
