Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
