It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
