Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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