Who did Billy Mays play for?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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