Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
