If that was your dad, he is hot
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
