Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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