just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
