I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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