I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
