i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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