we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize