There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
