Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
