Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
