ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
