They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
handjob tips. give me some.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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