Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Less talking, more tequila
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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