i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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