My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
