Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
