hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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