Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
