Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
