I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
