WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize