Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
