If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
