i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
