The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
