Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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