How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
