I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
