yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
