i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
