At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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