Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
