I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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