i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
