I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
