he wants to bone in the snuggie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
