if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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