once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
