that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
