i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
