fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
