I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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