Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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