I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize