Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
