the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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