She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
