just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
