Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
