Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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