I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
