Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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