do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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