The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
