I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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