You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
